Insecure

It's May and was expecting to fly off to US next spring Semester.
I know Toefl can be done, application still can be done on time.
The probm now is my CGPA.

I dun even match the minimum requirement of my Uni.. and now has already came to May!
Deadline for application is August.. Got so so so anxious now..
Put so much effort in the previous sem and i hope i got the result which is good enough to pull up my CGPA.

HAte myself.. What an irresponsible Student, daughter i am..
What if i can't get the results which can able to apply for Uni?
What if Even i got it, i cant make it on time?
I just keep disappointing people beside me and especially my mom.

She said if i couldnt make it on Jan intake she'll stop me from studying and ask me to work.
No more AMERICA'S DREAM.
Even if she was just saying it to scare me, i can feel the disappointment from her.


Wouldn't know what kind of feelings i'm having right now. I can only blame myself for all these.
No more i can do but pray and wait. Wait for the results to be out.
I need someone to talk to but sadly i cant find any.. i dun even noe how to tell people this.
Even if i say it out, Who else can help me? Only Me.

But i seriously need someone by my side now, tell me to stay strong and comfort me.
Though i deserved this.
Disappointed with myself.
Pray hard. Hope everything will be fine and smooth..