Don't forget me..

You can make me smile, one last time,
Before I fall apart.
I just want one chance to tell you what's true,
With what's left of my broken heart.
I don't want you to leave,
When I still have so much to say.
Promise you'll never forget me,
I promise I'll never forget you.
I can't help but cry as I write,
Because I know every word is true.
Never forget the smiles we've shared,
Please don't forget the memories we've made.
When you go, don't erase me,
Don't let the passions fade.
Never forget the times I've held you,
I'd do anything to hold you again.
I want you there until the very end,
Don't ever forget that I love you.
You will always be everything that shines,
I'll never forget the time I first looked at you,
And fell in love with your eyes...

--by Beautiful Disaster

有时候清描淡述的歌词，反而更碰触人心。淡淡的词，勾出的反而是翻腾、久违的遗憾。匆匆的城市中，每每当我们受伤流血，也只能拖着疲惫身躯继续前进..早已忘记了好久以前的那份纯纯的思念；当时我们没时间让伤口复合，只能压抑着痛，忘记痛的来源，继续生活。许久，早已麻木，早已心如止水。当一个偶然，一首歌、一个场景、一个人不小心在繁忙生活中出现，勾勒出心中某人的脸孔时..那份被压抑的伤悲和感情也被深深的勾了出来。当下我们才记得，那年的某一段日子，某一个时间里，我们曾深深的爱过，也深深的伤过。遗憾的不是消逝的感情，而是人事已非。以往开心的回忆，如今却成了礼貌地问候。但心里的翻腾，永远深刻..永远永远。有一些人、有一些事，自己心里明白，永远不会忘记..因为忘不了。
 

陪我唱歌 清唱你的情歌 
舍不得 短短副歌 心还热着 
也该告一段落 
还好我有 我下一首情歌 
生命宛如 静静的 相拥的河 
永远 天长地久..

I shall meet you again in the future.. 
With smiles on our faces, waving our hands, saying Hello..
revising the joy and tears that we've gone through together.

And then, we say Goodbye.
And then we'll back again to reality.
The Sadness still sad, The Sorryness still, sorry.
And the Love,  still hiding, somewhere behind our smiley faces, deep inside our heart.

.. 

Dear Friends..A song to share..

To share, with all my beloved friends..


就在最近这几天
我总是发呆老半天
盘旋在脑海中不去的是
你的话语和难忘的笑脸

就在最近这几天

离开学校的日子很空闲
我总是有时没事就温习过去

还有重看我们的照片

飞呀时间为何那么快的不见
一起欢笑一起流泪的日子

将这几年点缀成美丽的画面

飞呀我请月光洒在我的身边
我将学习如何去思念
我将熬夜回味这几年日记每一面

我曾经
为你熬夜只为了做你的生日卡片
一起熬夜一起准备明天的测验
过了今天也许只能说再见
能不能再次陪我熬夜聊天
为你熬夜帮你录下你最爱的影片
一起熬夜一起在网上废话连篇
过了很多天我们熬过多少夜
就让我唱这一首歌
请陪我熬夜到明天




In the past few days,
I always trancing for the whole day.
What hovering in my mind,
was our words and all unforgettable smiles.

In the past few days,
my days are free after leaving school.
I'm always revising all the past memories,
And looking at our photos.



Flying.. Why time flies so fast?
Days of tears and laughing
make these few years into a beautiful embellishment of memories.

Flying.. i requested the moonlight shines on my surroundings
I will start to learn how to miss
I will stay up all night pondering the past few years, through each pages of the diary.



I have been
Stay up late just to make you a birthday card;
Stay up all night together with you for the preparation for tomorrow's test;
Maybe there's only 'goodbye' after today,
but could i have you to stay up late chatting with me again?

Stay up late just to help you record your favorite videos;
Stay up all night together with the on-line nonsense;
After many days, after how many nights we've got through
Let me sing this song to you
Please stay up together with me too tomorrow..

..

Counting down, a month.

.

I just love that hour journey, alone, in the train, sitting quietly, listening to music, drinking starbucks coffee ice blended, watching the rain outside..

I wished the journey could carry on forever.. 

At least, i'm out of the reality, for an hour.

Went back to INTI to do my withdrawal. Everything is still so familiar but time flies. It's been two years since i enter INTI and now, it's exactly one month left before i fly off to US. I wonder after years, when i come back to INTI, will everything still be the same. 

And i wonder too, after years when i come back to Malaysia, will the scene outside the train still be familiar to me.

I know i'll somehow miss the time, where i'm sitting alone,quietly in the train, listening to music, drinking starbucks coffee ice blended, watching rain outside, watching twin towers from far.. 

I know i'm gonna miss that hour journey, i know i will.

And i know i'll miss people here.. Miss my family, my friends, miss you, miss him, miss them..

I'll pray and wait for the arrangements from God, to meet you up again somewhere in the future.

Time flies. So fast, too fast. 

It's so soon, too soon.

..

Back At One

    ONE
                      You're like a Dream Comes True

                                                          TWO                
                                                                                                       Just Wana Be With You

           
         Three
            Baby it's plain to see, You're the Only One For Me


                                                       FOur
                                                                REpeat Steps ONE through Three

                         
     Five
          Make You Fall In Love With ME

IF ever i believe my work is done
And i'll start BACK AT ONE.

 








..

If you could ever see this.

Could you believe it?
I still remember you. The memories we had together never even fade, surprisingly.

I'm still moving on since then.
preparing for final exams, hanging out with frens.. laugh out loud, sometimes cry too..
Listen to songs, chatting and talking nonsense with frens, preparing myself for my future.. etc.


But somewhere deep in my heart, I'm still thinking of you.

Once in while.. maybe
before i fall asleep
when i'm driving
when somebody's talking about you
when i m sitting alone
when somethings remind me about you.
I'll think of you.. once in a while..

I know it'll still happen in the future.
I know i'll never ever forget about you.

I'm moving on, but i miss you.




..

Sometimes, we just need some chats.

An hour's chat will be enough, when you're really stressed out.

A friend in need is a friend indeed. That's what friends are meant for.
Normal conversations and encourages are all we need. So that we have faith to move on.

So that we know, we're not alone.

Do you even know? your lil bit of caring brightened my days :)

...

Dear: Mom and Dad

 
    http://www.youmaker.com/

  


跟你 一起 我想應該值得慶幸
保護是天生的力氣
忘記 提醒 還有那些你教我的
昨天你給了我 今天我照顧你 

記得你不善言辭的給我許多鼓勵
記得我總是發了不該發的牛脾氣
我可以放棄一切也能不放棄
你都是最後原因 

記得我看著你的背影偷偷說感激
記得你總是為了小小事情而擔心
若有天你開始模糊了記憶
你隻要記得 記得我愛你 

還你 愛你 別到最後才覺可惜
付出不是天經地義

所以 疼你 直到你白發在飄逸
今天我要珍惜 明天還要繼續
就算全都忘記 記得我多愛你

..

Help..!!

STRESS

STRESS

STRESS

STRESS

STRESS

STRESS

STRESS!!!

:( :( :( :(

Help.. :(

..

柏拉图式的爱情

一天，柏拉图有问苏格拉底：什麽是爱情？
苏格拉底说：我请你穿越这片稻田，去摘一株最大最金黄的麦穗回来，但是有个规则：你不能走回头路，而且你只能摘一次。
於是柏拉图去做了。许久之后，他却空著双手回来了。
苏格拉底问他怎麽空手回来了？
柏拉图说道：当我走在田间的时候，曾看到过几株特别大特别灿烂的麦穗，可是，我总想著前面也许会有更大更好的，於是就没有摘；但是，我继续走的时候，看到的麦穗，总觉得还不如先前看到的好，所以我最后什麽都没有摘到。。。
苏格拉底意味深长地说：这，就是爱情。


又一天，柏拉图问苏格拉底：什麽是婚姻？
苏格拉底说：我请你穿越这片树林，去砍一棵最粗最结实的树回来好放在屋子里做圣诞树，但是有个规则：你不能走回头路，而且你只能砍一次。
於是柏拉图去做了。许久之后，他带了一棵并不算最高大粗壮却也不算赖的树回来了。
苏格拉底问他怎麽只砍了这样一棵树回来？
柏拉图说道：当我穿越树林的时候，看到过几棵非常好的树，这次，我吸取了上次摘麦穗的教训，看到这棵树还不错，就选它了，我怕我不选它，就又会错过了砍树的机会而空手而归，尽管它并不是我碰见的最棒的一棵。
这时，苏格拉底意味深长地说：这，就是婚姻。

还有一次，柏拉图问苏格拉底：什麽是幸福？
苏格拉底说：我请你穿越这片田野，去摘一朵最美丽的花，但是有个规则：你不能走回头路，而且你只能摘一次。
於是柏拉图去做了。许久之后，他捧著一朵比较美丽的花回来了。
苏格拉底问他：这就是最美丽的花了？
柏拉图说道：当我穿越田野的时候，我看到了这朵美丽的花，我就摘下了它，并认定了它是最美丽的，而且，当我后来又看见很多很美丽的花的时候，我依然坚持著我这朵最美的信念而不再动摇。所以我把最美丽的花摘来了。
这时，苏格拉底意味深长地说：这，就是幸福。


柏拉图又有一天又问老师苏格拉底什么是外遇
苏格拉底还是叫他到树林走一次
可以来回走
在途中要取一支最好看的花
柏拉图又充满信心地出去
两个小时之后，他精神抖擞地带回了一支颜色艳丽但稍稍焉掉的花，
苏格拉底问他：“这就是最好的花吗？”
柏拉图回答老师：
“我找了两小时，发觉这是最盛开最美丽的花，但我采下带回来的路上，它就逐渐枯萎下来”
这时，苏格拉底告诉他：
“那就是外遇”

又有一天又问老师苏格拉底什么是生活
苏格拉底还是叫他到树林走一次
可以来回走
在途中要取一支最好看的花
柏拉图有了以前的教训
又充满信心地出去
过了三天三夜，他也没有回来。
苏格拉底只好走进树林里去找他，最后发现柏拉图已在树林里安营扎寨。
苏格拉底问他：“你找着最好看的花么？”
柏拉图指着边上的一朵花说：“这就是最好看的花吗。”
苏格拉底问：“为什么不把它带出去呢？”
柏拉图回答老师：
“我如果把它摘下来，它马上就枯萎。即使我不摘它，它也迟早会枯。所以我就在它还盛开的时候，住在它边上。等它凋谢的时候，再找下一朵。这已经是我找着的第二朵最好看的花。”
这时，苏格拉底告诉他：
“你已经懂得生活的真谛了”


看完这个你会有怎样的理解呢？
 
最容错过的是爱情。
经历过爱情的无奈之后，对于婚姻的态度就会发生很大的转变，会选择一个合适的，但不是最好的。
幸福就是在不断寻找中获得满足。
外遇看起来很美，但会凋零，最终一无所获。
生活就是不断地寻找幸福！ 

..

A great piece..

When i was younger feeling small
When I layed my hands in yours
I felt the sadness fade and disappear
When my heart would fall and break

I just looked up at your face
The smile you gave me
brought me back to you
The only place i knew where i was safe

Under your wings i am forever
Under your open skies i soar
Because your love for me is everything, I need it to be strong
i'm always home under your wings.

In another place and times
how the memories rewind
back to my father who held me in his arms
Woah and i knew that i was loved
For who i was no matter what
the smile he gave me
We would never be apart

Under your wings i am forever
Under your open skies i soar
because your love for me is everything i need it to be strong
I'm always home under your wings

Do you know from where you are
How grateful that i am
That your dreams will carry on with me..


Under your wings i am forever
Under your open skies i soar
because your love for me is everything i need it to be strong
I'm always home I'm always home I'm always home
Uunder your wings




...

The Past.

We almost used the whole one and a half hours journey back from Melacca to INTI to talk about the past.

The past?
 The great memories we had together.
The time where all of us cooperating to do events, the outing times, the hard times, the happy moments.. etc.
We talked about the events, we talked about the peoples.

Suat Li, Kay Pau, Melinder, Shangari, KahMun, Wendy, Shugan, Adam, Waikit, Me, Mernj, Irene, Phriya, Dodo, Eng Hong, Alvin, Jackson, Ah Moi, Yi jun, Hoo Siang, WeiKean, etc etc etc..

It was like magic, like chemical reactions, that hold all of us together, doing things together, helping each other.
Feel really glad to have the one term with all of them.. Highlight in my life..

Still feel amazing, that all of us can be so united, so close like one family..

Now some of them have already gone abroad to continue their studies.
For those who are already abroad and if you can read this,

Life's tough i know. You feel so alone, i understand. But remember we will all b here for you..
Although you might be busy, or sometimes we might be busy;
Maybe we can't chat with you face to face like how we used to,
We can't bring you out go McD and makan, chit chat with u until morning to make you feel better,
We can't able to go putrajaya with you until 6am only come back,

But we will still always here. Anytime. on facebook, or in msn. anywhere.

Recall the memories that we had. The happy moments.. and you'll know, you are not alone.
Not now, not in the future. Miss you guys. LOVE you all.
My beloved 14th INTIMA LEO CLUB B.O.D.

I'm outta it.

Perhaps i'm just too much. 

I'm not in it now, i don't know anything about it and yea so i shouldn't go into it anymore. 

So yea, i'm outta it.

Maybe I'm just a nobody. But all i did are sincerely for the sake of persons i care. Most of the time I'm willing to listen to people, cheering them up, even when i'm facing so many problems. I'm willing to smile, when i see people around are so upset but actually i feel like crying. I'm willing to help the most, if i could able to do. Yea i care for people around me, pretty much. I appreciate everyone of them.

But sometimes i gotta a feeling, what i've been doing are just TOO MUCH. 

People won't have to appreciate what you did for them. Well, yes they don't need to.

Please think in my shoes. What is the purpose i'm doing all these. I'm not a clown  i'm not a comedian. I'm just helping. And yes, maybe i shouldn't get into it anymore from now onwards. Now then i understand, WHEN YOU HAVE ALREADY GOT YOUR ASS OFF FROM IT, YOU'RE OUT. No way for you to involve too much. Or ELSE you are TOO MUCH. So now I learnt this. SO okay fine. I'M OUT. I'M GONNA GET MY ASS OFF.

Kinda disappointing. Not only one of em, surprisingly, giving me all these disappointing responses, reactions.

why should I still doing so many unnecessary and stupid things?! No one pays me to do so.

And it's fcuking annoying for others!!

Feel stupid.

..

伪装 . 真的很累

明明很想哭，却还在笑。

明明很在乎，却装作无所谓。
明明很想留下，却坚定的说要离开。
明明很痛苦，却偏偏说自己很幸福。
明明忘不掉，却说已经忘了。
明明放不下，却说他是他，我是我。
明明舍不得，却说我已经受够了。
明明说的是违心的假话，却说那是自己的真心话。
明明眼泪都快溢出眼眶，却高昂着头。
明明已经无法挽回，却依旧执着。
明明知道说这样的话会伤害他，却忍着心疼装作轻松的说出口。
明明知道自己很受伤，却说你不必觉得欠我的。

明明这样『伪装』着很累，却还得依旧……

这就是长大

1.学会把亲情放在第一位,把友情放在第二位,把爱情放在够不到的位置

2.学会不和父母顶嘴,学会为了维护友谊让步

3.学会不想着依赖别人,做好自己,让别人依赖你

4.学会认清自己,不是很好,也不算坏,不把头扬的很高,也不拿眼睛盯别人的脚

5.学会把喜欢的人放在心底,默默的喜欢,有种情不需要张扬

6.学会不为了自己喜欢的人和别人争论,或许你并不了解他

7.学会口是心非,看到自己喜欢的人和别人在一起,请祝福

8.学会独自一个人承受一些事,一个人守着一些秘密

 9.学会适当减肥,不要过度,为了某些人,坚持

10.学会去关心家人,朋友,不要以为他们不会离开我们,就不在意

11.学会交际,和所有的人搞好关系,踏入社会,面对的人会更多

12.学会掩饰忧伤,对别人笑,要哭,躲被窝里

13.学会成熟处事,即使是装出来的

14.学会在特殊的节日,给别人一个小小的惊喜,感动一个人很简单,让她（他）知道你心中有她（他）的位置

15.学会不相信童话故事,永远记得仙杜瑞拉有的水晶鞋是你没有的

16.学会必要的欺骗,不要说你诚实,埋没了善良更可恶

17.学会为自己的人生做好打算,自己争取来的更值得珍惜

18.学会不计较,忘记一些不愉快,也许你会更快乐

19.学会无条件付出,想想父母,你会释然

20.学会写日记,我们的人生并不是很长,把它记下足可以让你重拾记忆。

好好过日子,终会长大,学会不让爱我们的人对我们失望.
 拿得起,放得下,该放手的时候,不要拖泥带水,告诉自己,学会自爱,也会活得很好..



.

如果我们在一起

如果当时结局不一样

会是怎样？





  ...
 

..
.

L.O.N.E

There must be sometimes, where you'll feel so insecure and need someone by ur side to make u feel safe.

Sadly i'm facing moments like this quite frequently recently where i'm dealing with so many uncertainties.

The sadder thing is i can't really find anyone to talk to and calm me down.

The saddest thing will be, even if i have someone to talk to, i still need to face it by my own. So what is the purpose of having somebody to listen to you and talk to you? You still go back to the same.

And people will not be there for you 24/7. They have their own stuffs to busy with. So stop relying on people.

At the end you still face everything by your own. ALone. I understand, anyhow this is still a one-person-journey.



I'm still feeling insecure. And lonely.






..

:)

: ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ( : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : )

So when can I find back my smile..? The one which is deep onside from my heart..

So smile.. : )

U know..

i'll b sad too, when i know ur sad.












 

SHOUT OUT

WHERE THE HELL SHOULD I SHOUT OUT LOUDLY

AND 

HOW THE HELL I SHOULD LET YOU KNOW

THAT 

I'M BLOODY HELL MISSING YOU RIGHT NOW?








 DON'T GET OUT FROM MY LIFE..

 

two videos..

touching video.. i'l keep movin gon because i know u guys are there always for me.. :) 



火柴人的故事，this is the complete version, which i think it's kinda meaningful as well.. :)

stay in my life, forever..

1. I miss you, although we see each others everyday, and we even sat next to each others. I still miss you. Or i should say,i miss the time we have?


2. You should smile. More and more. It doesn't suit you when you don't smile. You have a charming smiley face, so smile more. : )


3. I know that's kinda not possible but i hope to be back your good fren around.. at least when you feel unhappy and tired, i'm the person for you to rely on, like how we used to be..

4. I want you to know that, no matter how far u've driven yourself away from me, or we've driven ourselves away each other, i'm still with you. always and always. I'll still here for you, whenever wherever whatever however.

5. You're my biggest regrets so far in my life. I believe people who's in love with each others are blessed and they are supposed to be together. but now our distance becomes further and further.. It's so incomplete and i really wasted so much time to persuade myself, 'it's okay'.

6. And i'm pretty sure, that isn't 'like' anymore. It's kinda 'Love' towards you.

7. I will always like to look at you secretly from somewhere when you're doing something or chating with someone. It sounds like i'm a scary stalker but i don't mind. That's the only time which you will smile happily from your heart when ur talking to some friends. and i like to watch you smile.

8. Sometimes will keep wondering, are you in a deep suffering like i do now? I'd rather you're not. Stay happy. I'm still trying to get myself out but i 'm sure things will be alright after sometimes. I want you to stay on happily. without sadness, sorrow and regrets. It's okay, i'll be fine after a while.

9. Can we talk to each other like usual? like we used to be? .. :(

10. Really hope to spend my remaining time with you so much.. and since now we do not have anymore reason to spend time together, then join the group more.. i really hope to spend time with u, of cos all of them too..


11.

Wana shout 

'I WANT YOU TO STAY IN MY LIFE FOREVER AND DON'T WANT YOU TO GET OUT WITHOUT MY PERMISSIONS.. YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE MAKE THE CHOICE BY YOUR OWN IT'S UNFAIR TO ME.. STAY IN MY LIFE. NEVER JUST LET EVERYTHING GO..
IT'S EASY IF WE THINK IT IS, SO WHY WOULD YOU GIVE UP..?'

12. It's tired to move on when i need to say okay while i'm not okay. I hope i can still have you staying beside me like you used to.. when you always encourage me, accompany me, talk to me, listen to me, and etc. Love you.

THe Children Camp 6

It was a meaningful camp, and i always know it is.

This was my last children camp in INTI.
I was a PR and i really paid a lot of efforts on this post..
I want the event to be succeeded.. Bacause this was the event which made me stay in LEO Club, until now.


Walking along with you.

I wasn't the facilitators and i expected i wouldn't cry.
But end up i still cried.
First cry was during the sharing section.
When it reminded me that my time left in INTI wasn't much. It's only half a year to go..
Second cry was when sending the kids back..
Looking at the scenario but we i can't do anything, this really made me feel so sad.
All these angel faces should deserve better living, better treatment.

I do not care how heavy the works are, how much efforts i have to put in.
I do not care, how many works stuck during the hectic period and really really tensed me off.
WHAT I WANA SEE IS JUST THE SMILE OF THE KIDS.
It worth everything back.It really did.
All these smiling faces, worth all my hard works.

Sometimes i'm wondering, if we can show our love straight forwardly to a kid, which we don't even really knows him or her, why don't to the people you love too?

Cherish the one you love.
You can miss or even cry for a kid which you only met or knew them for three days, why not to your love ones, who's always staying beside you, supporting you when you need them?

Love the one you love, before it's too late. We always do not have much time left.


It's a bit sad, seeing vous, holding the kid's hand, talking to him heart to heart. I realized we never had this kinda section before.
Stupid jealousy. haha..
And I guess we wouldn't have it either, in the future..sometimes things changed without your realize.
We are just too not honest to oursleves.






Cheers to Children Camp 6, you guys all ROCKZ! 


Thanks to my group member who's fighting all along with me, YI WEI, DVD DAVID, JUN HONG, JACKSON and specially thanks to KAH MUN, AH CHUA, IRIS and WAN THENG. Without you guys, Our Public Realtion job wouldn't be done so smoothly..! You Guys ROCKZ too! LOVE u all! :) 



 

一次幸福的机会

A nice music video.. bring me back to a lot of flash backs.

another pointless post, just meant to write it. Bear with me.

Do not ask me what makes me rely so much more frequently on my blogspot.
Perhaps i don't have people to rely on, or 
Perhaps i just need somewhere to share out my feelings.
Again, it's 4:04am, waking up early in the morning to finish undone things, as usual.

I have worked pretty hard for this semester, unintended-ly.
Perhaps just something had happened, makes me feel like making myself busy is the best way to actually stop me frm thinking about those negative things.

So that was yesterday, i got a pretty good results back frm my history midterm, and did a pretty good job for my talk show presentation. 

Things always goes in this way. When you lose something, then you'll gain something back. When you gain something, you have to give up something.

okay fair enough. If things really need to go in this way, and now all these performances are the things which i got back in returned, i deserve to lose something as important as this too.

Again, i know, i guess some close friends knows realized it too. When i posted a post in blogspot, means it's my the time i started to think negatively. And hence I need somewhere to throw out all the negative thinking. So i guess all the recent posts are gonna be 'negative abit' cos i'm throwing my negative power out tho.. LOL

The loneliest situation is:

Smiling to people, being cheerful like usual, but actually feel damn like crying, and you don't know when are you going to collapse. And you shouldn't collapse. People expected you won't and you tell yourself you can't. You have to move on. And then it is when you are so hurt, badly, and you need time to get yourself recovered (God Knows how long it'll take), but you have to act like nothing happened and 'i'm okay already lar' and 'come on u think i'm that useless? I'm Fine!' but actually you are really that stupid useless which can't forget about everything,bad things sad things heart broken things. I have so many people around me, accompanying me but i still feel lonely. My heart has been so far away until no one can actually catch it and knows what's on it. Even myself.


Feel like sleeping. So that i won't think too much. But i have to carry on with my stuffs. zzz
Life's always like that. Helpless, but you still have to move on.

Things have been tough.
But i still gotta move on. No choice.

I'll try my best to bear with it..
But seriously, i need a lot of encouragement and accompaniment.
Everything's so uncertain, i feel so insecure.

Trying hard to be 'i'm fine' but it's still heavy for me and i can bear it hardly.
No collapse no collapse.


What a hectic period. What a critical moment.
I hate when everything messed up together.

Live without regrets.

Just two days before, i met an incident which i never encountered before.
It was horrible, and it really scared me off.
I just cant stop my tears from dropping down, when i was actually trying to call my mom up and told her about it.

But this incident made me realized and understand somethings.

What else could be better, than you're still breathing, and your heart's still beating? And you can still hearing your daddy mommy's voices, still joking around with your friends and still lying on the bed, facebook-ing?

Sometimes, no matter how careful you are, you still have the chance to get into trouble because others are not as cautious as you do. All you can do is be much more alert and careful to avoid some idiots doing idiot deed.

The past one week was a tough week for me. I used to be so emotional during that week, because of my studies and some personal problems. And today, after that incident, i suddenly realized that life is so fragile, like glasses. You can break into thousand pieces just maybe in few seconds with one hit and it'll not gonna give you any signal before it happens. I knew that,of course, everyone knows it. But today, i experienced it.

Cherish. Appreciate. I knew this very long time ago and i can say i oways do appreciate and cherish for what i have and thank God for everything. Now, i know this even well. Every second, minute, hour, every single person, every single matter in my life are so important to me.

Live with no regrets.
Say 'I love You' to the person you love, before it's too late.
Give a hug to your friends, thanks them for being part of your life.
Hug ur parents, say 'thank you' to them and give them a kiss.

I'm gonna treasure every single moment which i'm going to have with my family, my friends.
Really thank God. For giving me everything, even the bad things.

Nothing's tough when you've gone through the toughest situation.

Cherish everything, before it's too late.

Thank God.

Cheers! :)

原来喜欢要学会放手

上一个星期是我最难熬的一个星期。
一堆一堆的功课，考试，压力把我给压得喘不过气来了。
可是与此同时，我还得一直在猜想，猜想到底我俩之间发生了什么事。
这让我心里这狭隘的空间更煎熬。


一起外出的那几天，心里一直闷闷不乐。
还是在猜想，到底我们怎么了，到底你怎么了。
我们是陌生人吗？怎么比陌生人更尴尬？
身边的朋友都很明显地感受到了我沮丧的情绪，因为我真的很沮丧。


谢谢大学里，学生宿舍的保安阿姨。
竟然连她也会在无意的聊天中，跟我说远距离的关系不容易保持。

我说你讨厌我了，
身边的死党先生告诉我，你是不知道该如何面对我。


我说你根本活得好好的，只有我一个活在沮丧中，
身边的死党先生告诉我，男生即使多不开心也不会让别人看见。


我说我的心觉得痛了
身边的死党先生说，你也是心痛只是没有表现出来。


这很像是一堆安慰我，让我好过一点的借口？
有时候会想说，
当我很想你的时候，你也在想我么？
当我拿起信息犹豫不决该不该发出去的的时候，你有在等我的信息么？
当我看见我俩像陌生人一样，心在默默的痛时，你也跟我一样么？
当我因为你而很煎熬的时候，你也一样么？
当我远远默默看着你很开心地与别人玩着，脸上也会泛起一丝微笑时，你也有否这样偷偷看着我？


很想把一切当成我想太多，可是身边还放在床上的，你送我的礼物；信息箱里你发过的信息；手提电脑里，你发的短片，脑海里一幕幕开心的记忆，却确确实实的证明了一切是那么的真实。


可能像死党先生说的，要体谅你的处境，要知道你这么做的苦心。
原来喜欢，要学会放手。
原来爱，要学会放手。


想通了。也明白了。也有不明白的，可是已经不重要了。
可是放手原来也不容易。
每每想到要努力把自己抽出习惯性的，与你一起的世界里，就觉得好不舍。


还是不明白，为什么互相喜欢的人不能在一起。
但是我还是会。
可能更好的女生更适合你。
至少不比跟我一起一样，得辛苦的维持。




这篇部落格，将是一个总结。
以后不会再有这样的解释，这样抒发。
泪干了以后，还得继续的前进。
祝福你。
还有，最后一次的。我喜欢你。

Recently :)

It's 3rd June 2010.
Time flies, as i always like to mention, it's already June. Half a year has past.

New short semester started, and this sem i m taking United Nation History and Public Speaking, two subjects which can able to kill me if i have no enough revisions and preparations. LOL. And yea, Dr Borges is Fun, but somehow his lectures make me feel so sleepy but the sad thing is I CAN'T SLEEP OR I DIE. Hahaha! And the Public Speaking class is fun too, and i have YiJun as my classmate this sem :)

It's already the second last semester in INTI. And i had a wonderful birthday before I leave to US. There was whole bunch of people, who were trying to give me a surprise one day before my birthday but eventually iknew it before the surprise turned out but i still appreciate it alot, very much :) Thanks Zhu Whee, for the video, the cake, the chocolates, the pair of earings and most importantly the Heart. Always feel Glad to have him around ..

That was the first one, i received a rather big surprise after that, unpredictable ones. Thanks to Ah moi, which she has helped those people so muchhhhh on passing everything and planed everything for me. I received a soft toy and a bouquet of  roses from a special person, and a special video too, which meant alot to me. Touching, appreciate it alot.
Besides, i receive a bag from Jackson, an octopus soft toys from Mun Mun, a cute rabbit cell phone hanger (blink-able) from Ern Chai, and a nice 'L' letter Necklace form my dear Pearly. And my mom quietly asked my cousin to bought me a BB-Cream, which she thought i'm not gonna know it until she gave it to me, but my cousin told me about this before i got it. LOL. Still, Thanks to mummy, Love ya lots.

There will be Toefl in one week's time, and i still haven't start with the practices and revisions yet. :S

Gonna start it during the study week and hopefully i can pass it with a good grade.
And follow on will be the application to US. This is a messy thing. And, i hesitate when i actually know i'm qualified to make the application. That feeling was so weird. Somehow i think i'm afraid of somethings. And because of some issues i do hesitate for some moments. To go? Or not to go? Anyway i still made a decision, which i chose to move on.. I believe if things belong to you, no matter how far you go, how long you move, eventually it will still go back to you. One day, soon. That's what i believe, and i'm looking forward to see what's gonna happen up next. 

And it's tonight! The LEO Club Gathering night. Squeezing my brain now to think of appropriate topics for my major presentation and for the discussion tomorrow at 8am. I have to finish it or i can't enjoy myself during the gathering night. Idea idea ideassss Please Come To meee! And oh ya, hopefully it's not gonna rain tonight!

That's all for the updates. Hoping for the best ;)

My beloved. Thanks.

IT IS FRIENDS

Who
Support and BAck U UP
When You Feel Disapointed and Depressed;

WhoHas Given you Courages and Confidence
To Carry On With Ur Remaining Journey;

Who
Make You Feel Secure and Ask You To Stay Strong
When You Met Failure;

And Who
Make You Cry Just With A Few Words..
Cos All The Words Are Sincerely
From Their Heart.

Thanks,
For Being Around No Matter What and How..

Love You..

 

 

Insecure

It's May and was expecting to fly off to US next spring Semester.
I know Toefl can be done, application still can be done on time.
The probm now is my CGPA.

I dun even match the minimum requirement of my Uni.. and now has already came to May!
Deadline for application is August.. Got so so so anxious now..
Put so much effort in the previous sem and i hope i got the result which is good enough to pull up my CGPA.

HAte myself.. What an irresponsible Student, daughter i am..
What if i can't get the results which can able to apply for Uni?
What if Even i got it, i cant make it on time?
I just keep disappointing people beside me and especially my mom.

She said if i couldnt make it on Jan intake she'll stop me from studying and ask me to work.
No more AMERICA'S DREAM.
Even if she was just saying it to scare me, i can feel the disappointment from her.


Wouldn't know what kind of feelings i'm having right now. I can only blame myself for all these.
No more i can do but pray and wait. Wait for the results to be out.
I need someone to talk to but sadly i cant find any.. i dun even noe how to tell people this.
Even if i say it out, Who else can help me? Only Me.

But i seriously need someone by my side now, tell me to stay strong and comfort me.
Though i deserved this.
Disappointed with myself.
Pray hard. Hope everything will be fine and smooth..

N..ever

Quoted:  'It's Now, Or Never'

And now I'll say, Never.

It's just too much. Too much.

Too much of hope, too much of expectations, too much of actions and then ended up, with too much of disappointments.

I waited and waited and waited.

Now i've chosen to free myself.

The Passerby.

 Goodbye.

Aint easy to Say Goodbye.

But i gotta try.

Dear God, I used to pray, to have faith in loving people. But now my Lord, please give me faith to forget and forgive people. Amen.

Graduation - Vitamin C

And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we're gonna be when we turn 25??
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same..

But when we leave this year we won't be coming back
No more hanging out cause we're on a different track..
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don't have another day..

Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
And I keep thinking of that night in June
I didn't know much of love
But it came too soon

And there was me and you
And then we got real blue
Stay at home talking on the telephone
And we would get so excitedand we'd get so scared
Laughing at ourselves thinking life's not fair
And this is how it feels


As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
From whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever


So if we get the big jobs
And we make the big money
When we look back now
Will our jokes still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule
Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?
Can Heather find a job that won't interfere with her tan?
I keep, keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
And this is how it feels

As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
From whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever


We will still be friends forever

Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there?
Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end..
And suddenly it's like we're women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town?
I keep, keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly

As we go onWe remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
From whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever

You're Always On My Mind

Time flies.
Tat was a time, where the right time for you guys to say out the feelings.
But you guys missed out.
Things changed.
Too late.
Everything just goes so wrong.. wrong in timing..
caused Regretness and Sorryness.

Thanks for the love so much.
All I can do now, is only keep saying thank you.
I can't give any promise, anything, now.
No matter how and what,
you guys are always the important friends inside my heart.
Everytime when i meet any hard times, i'm pretty sure i'll still turn to you all.
Ur the special one, always, inside my heart.
Ure Always On My MiND.
Do not doubt that.
You guys always reserved da special front seats inside my heart.
though I can't fulfill you all with any love
Still, Thank God I have You Guys.
Appreciate.










You’re always on my mind

你给的爱 是我心海 最美的澎湃
You’re always on my mind
你给的爱 证明我真的存在
You’re always on my mind
让我依赖  当我孤单 就唤你出来
You’re always on my mind
心有你在 就会有力量再爱

这寂寞城市 再度寂寞了起来
当紧握的手慢慢被放开
再看一眼 最爱的脸
Baby Yes I love you but good-bye

The LEO Club, The Events, The experiences

LEO CLUB INTI UC

I never expect i'll be part of LEO before i enter INTI UC. i dun even noe wat it's all about.

But since the day i became part of it, my new life started.
Lotsa events had been carried out and we met lotsa difficulties.
There r always hard times, and lotsa problems and condition keep popping up and borthering us.
We do have conflicts, and at that moment, it really hurt.
Sometimes we get really stressed up and we even burst in tears.
We are only human and sometimes i'm doubting whether i can make it anot.
Things seems so difficult and hard. People wouldnt want to put so much efforts on all these cause it's not earning a cent from any of the events after all, after so much efforts have been put in.
But still, we are keeping our spirit, on doing all these. Because we can feel the importance of doing all these, and once we succeded one of them, the satisfaction is more than everything.

Started from the very begining, the Blood Donation, leading by Wei Kean, until now, have been handling so many events. The process was tiring, yet we never give up.
So many of us, bearing with the same faith, helping each others, cooperate with each other and walk together with each others.
Feel so glad for being here.
Through LEO CLUB, i really met lotsa interesting and awesome people.
and i met lotsa nice and caring people, that i can oways count on and rely on.
It's so warm.

I noe it's hard, it's difficult. But i guess if u ask any of us, we wouldn't want to give up on doing all these.
There are some feelings which we can't really express in words.
Nomatter how hard the process is and how tired we are, when we see the smiling faces of kids, old folks, people we care, and someone who's in need, it worth all the hard works.
U wouldnt noe and understand the feeling and satisfaction we have, if u never been doing this together with us.
Anyway feel so glad to see more and more new faces joining us, proving that our works do touched people's heart.

Proud to be part of LEO.
Thank you guys, for walking together with me so long..
LOVE YA.
Let's complete the remaining journey we have, together.
Proud with all of you :)

ONCE LEO, ALWAYS LEO.

我很想你!只是你这个笨蛋一点都不理解..

我没有很想你
我只是在早上醒来的时候，看看手机，有没有你发来的信息，有没有你的未接来电。

我没有很想你
我只是在上网的时候，首先关注你的空间，看看你最近是不是有更新。

我没有很想你
我只是在聊天的时候，翻阅你发给我的短信，看着你的照片，回忆一下那些美好时光

我没有很想你
我只是饿了会想你饿么，冷了想你会冷么

我没有很想你
我只是走在大街上看到男男女女，好希望那一对对里有我们

我没有很想你
我只是把你的来电调成唯一的铃音，放在我身边，并时不时的看看是否自动关机，是否信号良好

我没有很想你
我只是在吃小吃的时候，想如果你能和我一起吃，那该是多幸福的事

我没有很想你
我只是在听歌的时候，偶尔会被某句歌词击中，脑中出现短暂的空白

我没有很想你
我只是想看看你的样子，听听你的声音

我没有很想你
我只是在别人无意提起你的时候，愣在那里，不知答话

我没有很想你
我只是在睡前紧握着手机，等待着你的情话，等待着你说晚安

我没有很想你
我只是睡不着的时候想想你，但是，我不知道我是因为睡不着而想你，还是因为想你而睡不着

我没有很想你
我只是在每次醒来的时候，第一个想到你……

或许想念只属于某一个人，如果两个人都在想念彼此，那一定是一对幸福的恋人


当我不时呆呆的偷瞄手机，假装不在乎但其实在等你的信息时，你是否也一样？
当你在周围，我假装不在乎，不见你身影后却四处搜寻时，你是否也一样？
当我把信息打好却不敢发给你时，你是否也一样？
当我想说我想你却不敢说时，你是否也一样？
当我想找你聊天却找不到借口时，你是否也一样？
当我想问你，你在忙什么却害怕打扰到你时，你是否也一样？
当你忙，没时间理会我时，我失落；那当我忙没时间理会你时，你是否也一样失落？
当我爱上跟你相处的两人时间时，你也是否一样？
当我爱上你的笑容你的味道你的体贴时，你是否也一样？


我很想你!
只是你这个笨蛋一点都不理解..

I'm lovin it!

I love my life.
Yea Now.
Well, though it's a busy life, though sometimes, it goes really wrong,
or sometimes i do get really depressed becos of it, and even sometimes, i really felt tired of it..

But the best thing is no matter how depressed how moody how tired how wrong you are and the life is,
you noe there's still someone, who'll oways be there, for you.
It's really warm one, even melted my heart.
It's not a vigorous one, but the mildness made me feel so comfortable and want it to be last long.
It made me feel like settle down.

Hope this feeling will last long and longer, forever.



❤
We plan n plan n plan, and yet destiny ends up making its own plans.

          


                                                                                                                    

Can i have a chance to say i'm tired?

It''s been 3 monthes, since the regular classes started.
But it's like so long to me. It's like years.

So many things. Non stop.

Now's like a zombie, walking, moving around with a body which without spirit and soul.

Sick of all these. I don't really like this kind of lifestyle. Don't like.
It's like going back to secondary school life again, the busy, stressed life.
I'd rather be nobody. It's really irresponsible to say so but somehow, i really think so.
Gotta tired of all these sooner or later, i guess.
Assignments, tests, events, meetings, burn midnight oil, wake up early to study etc etc etc
It's like i never been doing anything for myself.
I did all da things because of responsibilities. Is it?
I have no idea.

Dun like to be emo and dun wan to be emo.
But just feeling so down and so tired recently.
Even feel lazy to smile around.
Like what pris say, which i agree with it so much,
when you're not alrite at all but u gotta tell ppl that ur alrite, it's really tiring.
i dun have any stamina to do tat anymore.

Cheers. May GOD bless me.

updates.

It's New Year Break, finally!
It was a really terribly busy period before the break. Finally i can free from tests, assignments, homeworks, meetings and events ,temporrorily. haha..^^

Before the break was the Valentine's Sale. We met lotsa difficulties and conflicts during the sales. But anyway, it strengthened our relationships and we became closer after the events. It's my pleasure and i feel really glad that people willing to share their feeling with me.. I know everyone has been so stressed up and i think i'll continue being the person who oways caring and cheerful. I wana see the smiling faces of my frens :)

And then it's the Valentine's and i'm still single after all.. ^^
Glad to noe someone has already found another girl, and at least i didn't hurt him. haha..
received some V's gifts like necklace, cards, flowers, keychains but the most special and warm one will be the bouquet of Sawi and the card from LEOs. LOL. Really sweat, but thanks for that, guys! It's really warm and love u guys lots :) It's much more better than any other's.  :)

It's Chinese New Year and this year we can't visit much cos my granny just passed away. It's a custom and we have no choice but to follow it. Adults oways so persist in all these.

Love CNY so much cos it reune all my sinlings and relatives. Love the time when all of us sitting and chit chat together. feel so warm. Feel so happy to see all my cousins have already found their couple and my dearest sis is gonna get marry soon.
We went to "Lao Sheng' just now, really had a good time. Love my family lots. Lots lots.

Can't able to attend the gathering few days later cos m gonna hv vacation to Thailand with my family. Missed my secondary school frens alot. We hvnt been seeing each others for one whole year. I missed pearly, yen qun, elaine, liang bo, wai keong, nicky, chee khoon, etc etc etc.. alot. Sandy has just gone to Adelaide n i guess i'm gonna miss her lots. Missed ppl who's already at abroad, or already transferred to other colleges, lots too.

 ************************************************************************

I hope it is but sadly we aren't. Let it be.

可能放弃不是不勇敢，而是不想让自己受伤害的勇敢行为。

放弃也要很多的力气。

Too shy to ask, too proud to lose.

..顺其自然

Have faith!

i'd like to share a story here. It's from a video clip.

There's a girl, who is the management from a company, and her daddy is a chef. She always meet up with lotsa difficulties and problems in the company.

One day she was mumbling again, to her father: 'Once a problem has been solved, another bigger problem is turning up. Sick of all these.'
The father think and keep quiet for a while,and brought his daughter to the kitchen.

He started to boil a carrot, an egg. Later on,he made a cup of coffee.

When everything's done,he asked the daughter :' Now tell me honey, what can you observe from these things?'

The daughter answered: ' The carrot becomes softer after it's been boilted; hmm.. the egg becomes harder after it has been boilted, while the coffee.. hmm..(she tasted) wow, dad, Nice coffee!'

Daddy:' See, the carrot used to be so rigid but it became so soft after boilted. And the egg, it used to be so fragile, and now it turn to be so rigid after boilted in the water. The coffee, it supposed a normal pure water but now, it's a cup of nice smooth coffee.'

''The difficulties and the problems that we are gonna meet in our life are like the water; and the carrot, egg and coffee represented different kind of people with different kind of attitude when facing all the problems. It depends on yourself, whether to be the carrot( which become so soft and fragile when facing all the problems), the egg (which become tougher and more rigid when meeting up all the difficulties) or the coffee (which can able to change the bad situation into a better situation). ''


********************************************************************************
When you meet problems, it depends on you whether to take it as a challenges, beat it down or treat it as a burden, and let all the difficulties to beat you down. Goes on, with your faith and confident. trust yourself. We are unique and special, we need to be more confident with ourselves. Get through the challenges, and you'll feel the different in yourself. Ganbateh all. :) Learning it too.. :)

我怎么了？

不是不喜欢 而是不确定那人也是不是喜欢而怯步不前。

不是不敢主动 而是害怕失去而停止前进。

其实也不是那么的无所谓那么的随缘 而是害怕受伤而假装不在乎。

其实也不是不在乎 嘴里说who cares其实心里在乎得要死。

其实也不是那么的花心 我就是这样的个性我能拿我自己怎样？

其实那个性也不叫花心 别人就是喜欢我我能怎么办？

其实不是跟每一个异性都很好，其实心里只有一个人，其他人只是想让那个人知道其实我很不错。

也不是只想让那人觉得我很不错才对其他喜欢我的人好 真的不想伤害别人才继续对他们保持一贯的态度。因为我知道被拒绝的感觉真的很伤。

其实好多次想拿起手机发‘我想你’ 可是信息都存到了草稿箱。

其实不是没有想过以后会怎样 有期待但还是别期待那么多，要不然失望也会那么多。

总是口是心非 明明心里因为你说的话而开心得要死，嘴里却在挖苦你。

当你说称赞我的话时总说你在撒谎 其实是自己太没有信心了，认为你这么说只想让我开心或是玩玩而已。

其实不是不向前进，而是每当看见那人的眼神总还是落在某人身上，就会退缩。对人冷漠就是对自己保护。没有希望也就不会失望。心痛的感觉一点也不好受。

每当那人不开心时总想陪在哪人身边 但结果总是装作不知道那人的不开心而走开。

好了，你不安慰那人，另一个人趋前问那人怎么了，你却又不服气，心想怎么那人不找你倾诉却找别人。

有其他喜欢那人的某女生，主动积极，心里就想着要放弃了，想着‘随缘吧’..其实心里气那女生气得快爆了。

其实一直在说服自己说我不在乎，‘有就有嘛，没有也没关系’，是正确没错但那话有一部分只是对自己说的借口。

其实每一次都很想伸手把那人抱着。

其实想那人眼里只看着我一个。

其实在等着那人主动发来的简讯。



天啊。我怎么了。